Covering all my bases.

I remember when I was 17.
I was living with my dad and his wife.
I moved out one day while he was at work.
I relocated 4 miles south to live with my Nana.
My dad didn't eat or sleep for 2 weeks and had a borderline breakdown.
I won't get in to all the hairy details. Just know that I was really the victim here.

Today is his birthday and Sunday is fathers day.
I'm his only offspring and I'm pretty sure this weekend would be the worst weekend like, ever to die. Which, is WAY worse than moving 4 miles south.

But since the chances of me meeting my untimely demise are considerably high, I'd like to list a few of my final affairs.

I hate bugs. HATE THEM. Please don't put me in the ground. As unpleasant as burning up a body in a wrath of fiery inferno sounds, it's better than being stuck in the ground inside a pine box among creepy crawlies. I don't like tight, stuffy places either. I just don't think a burial is my style.

I want something super creepy done with my ashes.
Like, maybe make a shit load of little necklaces with glass vials dangling from them, and then disburse my ashes accordingly in to said vials?

Or maybe mix my ashes in with some ink and all my loved ones get tattooed.

In lieu of a funeral, I'd rather a celebration.

I want 3 beers on tap (Budweiser, Amberbock and Corona) and a shit load of liquor. By liquor I mean, mostly bourbon and tequila.

I also want a nacho bar.

My music play list shall consist of Eric Clapton, Neil Young, The doobie brothers, Bob Segar, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Eagles, Bad Company, Journey, Styx, Foreigner, White Snake, INXS, Jimmi Hendrix and Fleetwood mac.

Each one of my friends and family members must get up and share their most favorite memory of something we did together. I hate public speaking, so if you wanna just sit in a circle and play spin the bottle to see who you have to pass the mic to, that's totally fine too.

Please print off and frame up all the bagillion pictures I have of nights the majority of us don't remember but somehow wound up on my camera.

Even the one of the Halloween night I drove home completely naked except for my ugg boots and a seat belt strategically covering my nipples.

As far as my personal belongings go, my infamous hoodie collection is to be divided among my 4 best girls. If you're unsure if you're on the list or not, small scrolls summoning your presence at The great hoodie division of 2011, will be delivered by doves to your house upon the occurrence of my death.

For all of my other belongings, I'm requesting all my loved ones gather in to one place. Get pant shitting drunk and have a physical battle to win ownership and victory of my things.

Also, please capture said events on a camcorder and then replay the video onto a huge projection screen so I can watch it from heaven.

***Someone please delete my facebook account. It's pretty disturbing when dead people keep updating their status and "Liking" things. My login and password will be written down in my day planner on my desk.

I also have a $20.00 deposit down for a tattoo at Michas Twisted Tattoo in Layton. My appointment is on the 25th of this month at 4:30 if anyone wishes to go in my place.

I love you all.