Saturday, October 9, 2010

On a scale of 1-10, how bad does botox hurt?

Through a series of events, It seems I've developed a bit of a complex.

Well, a new one anyway.

I'm not getting ID'd when I order grown up drinks.

I remember when I was 23 and the waitress would be all "um, can I just see your I'd first?"

And I'd be all huffy about it, and roll my eyes and be all "Jesus Christ, I'm twenty fucking three, this getting ID'd thing is seriously getting totally old".

NOW!?
I'M the one seriously getting totally old. And it blows. It blows old wrinkly balls.

Speaking of, I took my dad to the doctor the other day and as the nurse was walking us out she looked at my father and asked "So... Is this your wife?" And gestured to ME!
What. The. Fuck.
As we were walking out to the parking lot I said "dad, I'm starting to develop a complex about my age. I'm not getting ID'd for drinks anymore and that bitch nurse just thought I was old enough to be your wife.
Which, don't get me wrong dad, you're a hell of a guy and you could totally score with some hot, young thing. But this isn't about you right now, ok? It's about me and how I'm starting to feel like I look like a worn out, tired old hag. Or that creepy octomom's vagina".
My dad, as gracious as he is with his words, said "You just look mature, that's all"

BULLSHIT.

That's one of those bitch moves you make when someone asks you if they look fat and you sugar coat some bullshit answer. LIES! All LIES!
So to prove to myself that I'm still a spring chicken, I went out and partied like a irresponsible, young, rebellious teenager last night.
And do you wanna know how I know that I'm still totally NOT old?
I woke up smelling like stale beer and salsa, with a fresh new round of acne on my face and I'm laying in bed, hungover. That totally makes me like, a 19 yr old frat guy.
Here's to hoping my husband will secretly read my mind and know that I want cheddar jalapeno cheetos and a fountain mountain dew brought to me in bed so I don't have to get up.
IN YOUR FACE NATURAL SIGNS OF AGEING.