Oh how I love this magical time of year. There's still a hint of Autumn in the air, I get to incorporate cozy sweaters into my work wardrobe, rock hoodies and jeans on the weekend and most importantly, my adult sized fleece footed pajamas. Even things that are already appealing suddenly become even MORE appealing. Like drinking. "It's the holidays, come over for a few drinks and laughs" Right? Not only do the holidays help mask alcoholism, The cozy hoodies and sweaters enable me to hide my annual 10 pound holiday-booze-n-food-a-polooza.
So bottom line is "The holidays are the shit!" - Right?
WRONG.
Fucking wrong my friends.
Holidays are the shit until people get incorporated into the mix. I.e. Extended family. Every year we end up being spread so thin that it makes Nicole Richie jealous. We do the whole "We might need to leave a little early to show up somewhere else a little late..." To TRY to make everyone happy and satisfied, when really, we spend more time in the car driving from place to place to place than we do at the actual destinations. It's exhausting. Yet, for some reason, year after year we continue to do it. After all, we just CAN'T be the bastards that make grandma cry on Thanksgiving or Christmas due to our absence.
No one is ever happy. Ever. Especially ME. I take on the task of trying to please everyone every god damn year and hear nothing but "Oh, Why are you leaving so early?" Or "Oh, You can't show up late, You'll miss dinner"
One of these years I really am going to stick to my guns about not leaving my house. I can enjoy the damn holidays from inside the comfort of my own home. Dressed in my footed pajamas, Sipping on spiked eggnog, Cuddled up with a good book and happier than a pig in shit.
Now that's my idea of a good god damn holiday.
Bahhumbug.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Tearful teeth cleaning.
Genetically blessed people blow. This morning I came to the conclusion that I seriously got the shittiest end of the shittiest stick in the shit puddle called "The gene pool." It certainly hasn't been a well kept secret that I wasn't blessed with naturally narrow hips, Big chibongas and a metabolism that could pass a speeding bullet. Instead I was blessed with a natural LOVE for anything and everything FOOD, Hips wide enough for any infant to army crawl their way through the birth canal, metabolism that moves at a pace slower than cold tar, and apparently cavity prone teeth.
Six months ago I made my first dentist appointment in like... 4 years. (Don't judge) I guess it just kept slipping my mind. My teeth were white and shiny. They didn't bother me at all. I took really good care of them with brushing and uh.. flossing.. *Cough*.
The day of my appointment came and I was patting myself on the back for being a responsible adult and going in for a check up. As I left I was kicking myself in the ass due to the 6 cavities Dr. W found with a warning one might be a borderline ROOT CANAL.
Three appointments and a TRUCK LOAD of Novocaine later, Dr. W had me all patched up and even saved my tooth from the dreaded root canal. I took a vow to myself to never skip a 6 month check up again and make sure I floss more. Over the last six months I've done just that. I brush no less than 2 times a day. Sometimes even 3. I floss a couple times a week. (If you claim you do every night, you LIE!) I've been so dedicated to being an anti cavity activist that I was actually EXITED to go to the dentist this morning to get checked and cleaned.
Dr. W came in, Poked around, Laughed a little, then said "Erica, What are we gonna do with you?" I gave him angry eyes, Since that's really all you can do with 3 different utensils and a fist in your mouth. I heard him telling his assistant "something something mesial, something buckle, and something else more mesial". I've been around the dental block enough to know that mesial talk means "This bitch has got 3 more cavities DESPITE all her efforts."
So my friends, I go in on Friday to get 3 more damn cavities filled. Dr. W told me one wasn't my fault. It's located in the "Buckle something something" of my tooth rendering tooth brushes and floss useless against the cavity battle. My reply was "Can't we just rip all these puppies out and fill my mouth with more porcelain than a toilet bowl?" He said "You can still get cavities with veneers" I told him I'd brush with Clorox toilet bowl cleaner, But he didn't take me very seriously.
So here I sit, Drinking my 75 ounces of water, taking my multivitamin, glucosamine chondroitin, biotin and calcium supplements, brushing my teeth with prescription toothpaste and rinsing with straight fucking fluoride after flossing, watching what I eat, working out like a roid raging maniac, having a "get ready for bed regimen" that takes me as long as it does to get ready for work in the morning and making sure (If in my control) I get enough sleep, all for what?! huh!? what!?
What good does any of it do, If at the end of the day I'm still genetically fucked?
Six months ago I made my first dentist appointment in like... 4 years. (Don't judge) I guess it just kept slipping my mind. My teeth were white and shiny. They didn't bother me at all. I took really good care of them with brushing and uh.. flossing.. *Cough*.
The day of my appointment came and I was patting myself on the back for being a responsible adult and going in for a check up. As I left I was kicking myself in the ass due to the 6 cavities Dr. W found with a warning one might be a borderline ROOT CANAL.
Three appointments and a TRUCK LOAD of Novocaine later, Dr. W had me all patched up and even saved my tooth from the dreaded root canal. I took a vow to myself to never skip a 6 month check up again and make sure I floss more. Over the last six months I've done just that. I brush no less than 2 times a day. Sometimes even 3. I floss a couple times a week. (If you claim you do every night, you LIE!) I've been so dedicated to being an anti cavity activist that I was actually EXITED to go to the dentist this morning to get checked and cleaned.
Dr. W came in, Poked around, Laughed a little, then said "Erica, What are we gonna do with you?" I gave him angry eyes, Since that's really all you can do with 3 different utensils and a fist in your mouth. I heard him telling his assistant "something something mesial, something buckle, and something else more mesial". I've been around the dental block enough to know that mesial talk means "This bitch has got 3 more cavities DESPITE all her efforts."
So my friends, I go in on Friday to get 3 more damn cavities filled. Dr. W told me one wasn't my fault. It's located in the "Buckle something something" of my tooth rendering tooth brushes and floss useless against the cavity battle. My reply was "Can't we just rip all these puppies out and fill my mouth with more porcelain than a toilet bowl?" He said "You can still get cavities with veneers" I told him I'd brush with Clorox toilet bowl cleaner, But he didn't take me very seriously.
So here I sit, Drinking my 75 ounces of water, taking my multivitamin, glucosamine chondroitin, biotin and calcium supplements, brushing my teeth with prescription toothpaste and rinsing with straight fucking fluoride after flossing, watching what I eat, working out like a roid raging maniac, having a "get ready for bed regimen" that takes me as long as it does to get ready for work in the morning and making sure (If in my control) I get enough sleep, all for what?! huh!? what!?
What good does any of it do, If at the end of the day I'm still genetically fucked?
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