Although the frost and inversion do absolutely
nothing for my air quality needs, it sure does make for pretty pictures.
I saw this tree on my way through the parking lot to work. It's beauty completely rocked my world. I thought "What a pristine depiction of winter!" I grabbed my camera and did a few snappy snappies. This photo made me totally hard so I set it as my desktop background.
Back to my air quality crisis......
This inversion SUCKS. It's forcing me to get all of my cardio exercise inside. Boo. I can't run on a stationary treadmill. I caaaaan't. It's a friggin' waste of time in my opinion and the monotony, oh LORD, the monotony! I need to be outside running. I feel like a caged animal at the zoo. The gazelle that only has 20ft instead of open fields to run. LET ME OUT!!!!
To avoid being totally crabby after cardio I decided to break it up by jumping rope Monday night for 45 minutes. Which, ended up being more trouble than it was worth because later that night I had to have a serious sit-down talk with my knees.
I said " Look here you weak, frail little bastards. I do as much as I can to fulfill your needs. I really need you two to step up and quit being such little pussies. I'm 25 *gulp* and you two are making me feel 90 for Christ sakes! Can't we compromise!?"
They were all "Oh no you didn't! Listen here bitch, Until you get us out of these worn down, poor excuses for running shoes, we ain't doin' shit!"
So I was all "I'm pretty sure I'm the one in control, and if you don't cut down on your back talk, I'll see to it that tomorrow is LEG DAY at the gym, You assholes."
They were like "Uh, In case you haven't noticed, there's two of us and one of you, SO if you ever want to see your bikini body again, you'll do as we say"
Needless to say, I've been making the equally monotonous elliptical my bitch, all week.
I know you're not supposed to buy yourself anything right before Christmas, But I need new running shoes TERRIBLY. Usually my lack of patience would have chauffeured me straight to the running shoe store last night, but then my memory reminded my impatience that my phone decided to just, curl up and die after I was nice enough to let it tag along hot-tubbing, (And nice enough to trust that drunkards wouldn't keep dropping it in puddles when trying to make calls)
THEN my transmission decided to start acting up like a little bitch Tuesday forcing me to pour two hundred mother f'ing dollars into it.
If there's one lesson I've learned, It's that Trannys can be some expensive, high maintenance assholes.
Speaking of Trannys, Something remarkable happened last night. I came home from a long day of work parties, filled with ten dollar gifts and Mexican food as far as the eye could see. Plus a tender little recognition of yours truly for 5 wonderful, dedicated years of the most awesome service they've ever seen. My boss lady cried as she presented me with my 5 year pin (After 6 1/2 years working here) and I think she mumbled something about brains AND beauty and OMG, I'm totally lying about that part. But, I am pretty amazing.
I digress.
I walked into the kitchen after my aforementioned long day and read my "self-made-to-do list" quietly to myself, and then aloud to my husband so he knew exactly what was on my agenda for the night. I huffed and puffed and made my way upstairs to start on my first "to-do"
#1. Shower. (Shut up. I needed to get this done first because I needed to wash my hair and give it time to dry out a bit so that I could re-dye my bright red strips BACK to bright red instead of some gross hue comparable to elk piss. Fucking high maintenance, I know! I'm giving them the boot as soon as I can get into my magical, hair-goddess, Tiffy)
As I'm showering, and mentally checking it off my list, I look in the mirror and much to my surprise I see my husband gathering all of my old water cups, tea mugs and empty beer bottles off my bathroom counter.
(Don't judge. If you haven't experienced a steamy hot shower, paired up with an ICE COLD BEER, You're not livin', buddy)
So I was all... "Whaaaat? He's cleaning up a mess that was solely made my ME!?" Whoa, Sweet.
Mentally check that little chore off.
I finished up showering and as I'm drying off I hear the sound of the vacuum. THEN I felt.... a... tickle?..... and OH MY GOD, DID I JUST SERIOUSLY GET TURNED ON BY THE SOUND OF THE VACUUM CLEANER!? What the shit!? I dried off and made my way into the hall, stark-ass naked, where I saw my husband, vacuum in hand, at the top of the stairs. AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. He'd just done the STAIRS. As I turned around to make my way back into the bedroom, dumb founded, I heard the unmistakable sound of kitty litter being sucked up in the next room and I nearly dropped to my 90 year old knees in PURE orgasmic bliss.
Sweet baby Jesus.
He vacuumed the ENTIRE house. It was like that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire, when Robin Williams is dressed up all "Tranny-Nanny-Drag queen style" Waltzing around the house while vacuuming, Only in a totally less creepy, way more fuckable way.
I made time to, Uh, "Show him my appreciation" since he did, indeed, just check off, like FOUR of my items on my "to-do list" Hello! Oh my god. So hot. So so so Hot.
Anyway, THEN, I made up my own little game. It's called "See how much laundry you can put away, how many toilet bowls you can clean and how many chapters you can read in your book after taking a Tylenol pm, before the effects kick in and leave you lying in the fetal position in a small puddle of your own drool having the BEST sleep EVER"
Oh yeah.
All in all, It's been a pretty eventful week. I'm totally pre-gaming the holiday.
The holiday is my bitch.
Merry Christmas to all.
Cheers.
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