Turns out I AM a tender little flower. Mostly just on bullshit holidays though.

Just when I thought I was totally cool with being motherless, I found out I'm still pretty fragile.

April, May and June can totally suck it.

All three of them have pretty fucking hard days.

The most recent was mothers day.

Yesterday I got busted crying on my couch by the husband.

It was due to an overwhelming amount of things, but subconsciously, I'm reasonably sure that mothers day played a pretty big role.

I managed to spurt off a couple bullshit reasons as to why I was crying to deflect the core of the emotional spillage, and to get him to quit prying because I'm still trying like hell to convince everyone, including myself that I'm one rad bitch who doesn't need a mother.

Or sympathy.

Sympathy is for pussys.

The husband left the house to go to a family gathering thinking his wife was really upset about our unfinished back yard and her messy house.

All valid, but lets be honest, NOT tear inducing.

I stayed home and watched reality-drama-smut and folded laundry while I finished up being a basket case.

I got myself together and put on a happy face to show up to the family gathering, somewhere between fashionably/obnoxiously late.

Later that evening I was on the phone with my Nana. (My mothers mother)

During our "Happy mothers day" phone conversation she mentioned that my Uncle had called her earlier.

My uncle (Mothers brother) lives in Vegas and I had just gotten back from there. I was able to see him for 3.7 minutes and while it was wonderful to see him, I couldn't figure out why he left so quickly.

My Nana assured me that my uncle really did enjoy seeing me, but after we went our separate ways he couldn't help but to think of my mother the entire day. Nana gracefully said "You are the spitting image of your mother, you know."

This is one compliment that will always bring me to tears.

While it's wonderful to hear, it's always terribly hard at the same time.

As detached from her as I'd like to be, for the sake of protecting my own heart, it always reminds me that we're closer than I think.

So

Here's to you Ma.

Happy mothers day.

From the one and only child you left behind.