It's time I own up to my own laziness.
I could have gotten up this morning to run.
I really could have.
There was no blizzard outside.
The temperature was a toasty 20.
The roads were snow free for the most part.
I attempted to go to bed early last night so that I was guaranteed eight solid hours of rest before waking up at 5:45am to shuffle my pudgy ass around the neighborhood.
I like to read before bed. It takes my mind off of everything that may or may not be troubling me and it makes my eyeballs ache to the point of a nice, mindless slumber.
I was excited to start a new book last night that was recommended by my motherinlaw. I started reading and was anxiously awaiting my peaceful departure.
Until I read about kids running through a forest, tripping on a tree stump and matter-of-factly landing on A DEAD BODY.
Not just any dead body. A body where the eyes and mouth have been GLUED shut.
A body where ants were crawling through her nostrils and dried sweat and blood had left a trail of suffering upon her face.
A body who's hand had been sticking out of the fresh earth with fingers dangling down in a mangled mess from being CHEWED ON BY RABID DOGS!
I read to the point of my eyes being tired enough to shut and succumb to sleep without a fight.
I turned off my lamp and started thinking about my morning itinerary.
"I'm gonna wake up, take my NO Xplode, Change into under armour and OH MY GOD WHAT IF I FIND A DEAD BODY ON MY RUN!?"
"What would I even do!? No one is awake at that hour! There was a body found in this little city not too long ago, what If I come across something like that?! This shit really happens now-a-days. Even in this little rural farm town"
"Rural. Everywhere I run has at least 2-3 open fields along my way. What if I encounter a rabid dog? Or a wolf?! Or a mothafuckin MOUNTAIN LION?! I can't outrun a god damn jungle cat! I have weak knees!"
"It would smell my fear and devour me. Who around here would even intervene between me and a damn cougar?! No one. No one would. Why? Because I'm a dick and I don't like to talk to my neighbors, that's why!"
"I should really start being nicer to people"
"But what if me being nice gets mistaken for me wanting to die by the creepy neighbors who live on hillbilly row. They'll wait for me to jog by with my Ipod blaring in my ears leaving me completely unable to hear my attacker approaching me with a gag-rag covered in chloroform and they'll nab me and tie me up in their back yard with their 34 parted out old rusty combines and halfway-cars with creepy naked dolls laying on the dash and then it's just like that damn movie wrong turn!"
"I need to google sunrise time"
"7:03am. That's not gonna work. I need to be hitting the pavement by six a.m. SHARP."
At this point in the night I tossed and turned while debating back and forth with myself in a fear induced sweat.
I came to the conclusion that I've got one demented, ill-humored motherinlaw and the thought of my last meal being a protein shake was far more terrifying than tangoing with a puma or winding up somewhere between "bumfuck and you got a purty mouth" with toothless hillbillies hootin' and hollerin' about.
Not this time death, Not this time.
I'll live to debate waking up at the ass crack of dawn another day.
