Do you ever have one of those days where you have to go to the grocery store for two fucking items?
And the only two items you need in the entire store are either blocked off by palates of canned string beans or the only isle you need to go down is filled up with old people oogling and hoarding the glucosamine for thirty god damn minutes!?
Young people need joint lubrication too.
I swear to everything holy in this life, every time I need to make copies, the copier is out of paper.
Every. TIME.
I went to take a short power nap between jobs in the parking lot of Shopko last Friday. I parked in the very far corner, away from all vehicles. I reclined my seat, rolled the windows down so I could feel a cool breeze and shut my eyes. Just then a guy driving a bullet bike pulled up RIGHT NEXT TO ME. He shut off his bike and made a phone call:
"Yeah man, I'm just in the Shopko parking lot. Ok, yeah, cool. See ya in a second."
A minute later his friend arrived in a white Tahoe.
"Hey dude, you gotta check out this new album. It's sooo tight."
The Tahoe began blaring death-metal-punk-skaw bullshit that made me want to immediately punch one million babies.
Why do you hate me Jesus, Why?
Last Saturday I had a two hour workout. Between running 4 miles, lifting for 45 minutes, making sure to get a killer ab session in and all my big girl stretches it was just over 2 hours.
Saturday was also laundry day.
The one pair of jeans that fit me best were wet.
Knowing I had piles upon piles of jeans in my closet I set out to find a second best pair.
Not one pair fit. Even my fat pants were snug.
I immediately threw on a big, black, baggy pullover man hoodie and sulked down stairs.
I'm extremely frustrated with my body. I put this curvy, spiteful bitch of a body through hell and back at least 5 times a week. Most women would get a flat stomach and thighs that don't touch.
Me?
I get wrecked up knees and shin splints.
Can a bitch just catch a break?
And then I received an email with this horrid thing:
And suddenly things aren't so bad.
