Seeing Red.

*Spoiler alert to anyone with a penis. Never mind the cryptic title, this post is indeed about a menstrual cycle**

If I wasn't already bleeding, I'd cut myself right now.

Our lovely mother nature is a bitch.

A real low down, snarky, stabby, uppity bitch who thinks she's self entitled and better than everyone.

I've been googling "How to make your period stop"

"Why have I been on a period for three weeks"

"The aftermath of the depoprevera shot"

"How young is too young to get a hysterectomy?"

and

" Coping techniques: HOW TO NOT FUCKING KILL PEOPLE"

Honestly, how long can you use: "I'm sorry, I'm just on a really bad period right now"

Or: "Sorry for the prefuse sweating, bloating and my bitchy behavior, I'm completely emotionally unstable."

I called the doctors office this morning.

"Hey, My name is Erica Archibald, I got the depo shot at the first of June so I could run this race that was designated for crazy running masochists and NOT be on my period for it and as an added bonus; prevent children. Well, It worked like a charm, however the entire month of July I had a period hit about every 4 or 5 days and they'd last about a week and a half, and NOW, I'm going on three weeks STRAIGHT of NON-STOP crampy, bleedy bullshit and I can't stop sweating and I've blown through more feminine hygiene products in the last two months than what any girl should ever have to, and I just really need this DEMON period OUT OF ME. If I can't take SOMETHING to stop this, LIKE SOON, I WILL start hurting people. I NEED A YOUNG PRIEST AND AN OLD PRIEST!"

Um... OK... What's your date of birth and a phone number we can call you back on?

I waited an hour or so and they called me back with my option(s).

Hi, this is squeaky voice girl who sounds like she's twelve calling from the doctors office to talk to you about your vagina and I have a couple of options for you. You're due for your next session of the depo shot in one week so .......

"Stop. right. there.
NO DEPO, THANK YOU.
Continue."

Um... OK, well the next thing that you could do, which the doctor thinks will definitely help, is a one week prescription of estrogen.

"Will that make me crazier? Because I don't know how much more that myself or the people around me are willing to tolerate and I'm already contemplating swerving into on coming traffic, I'm down 3 bowls of my nice china and my husband said he's refusing to spackle anymore holes in our walls."

Well, actually, If you're already kind of crazy, this estrogen, even though it is the female hormone, should, actually... fix you. Sort of.
We hope anyway. Please stop yelling.

I sent Brad a text that I was picking up this hormone before we hit the road to go to Island Park for a fun filled family weekend of awesome.

"I'm genuinely scared for my life right now" was his reply.

Vacation here we come!