DOOM.

Can I talk to you for a minute without you freaking out?

Oh my god, you got fired!?

No. It has nothing to do with my job.

You're having an affair!?

No. Erica, it has nothing to do with anything like that. Listen, what's your biggest fear?

Spiders.

K, but like, a REAL fear.

OK BRAD, Like poisonous arachnids that have the ability to kill humans isn't a REAL FEAR?! HELLO!?

*Sigh* OK. Spiders are terrifying. But, What's your biggest fear about our planet?

That we're all going to die by being struck by a fiery ball of impending doom?

OK. Don't freak out, I just want us to be prepared, But....

OH MY GOD. 2012 IS COMING EARLY AND WE'RE ALL DYING TONIGHT!?

Erica, just listen. No. We're not all dying. But there's a couple solar flares that are headed our way and I just think it's a good idea to be prepared in case we lose power or what not.

Here's my card. Go buy one of everything.
WAIT!
Before you go out to buy one of EVERYFUCKINGTHING we MAY need incase of death by fire ball, please map out exactly where you laid our sprinkling system in the back yard so I don't strike a pipe while I'm out there digging up a 20 foot hole to start construction on a concrete bunker.

We need a bunker with a oxygen supply.. How do we do that?
Steal enforced underground greenhouse?!
Buy first aide kits, a fuck load of toilet paper and lots of dog food for the dogs!
Do you want me to make you a list?
Oh my god, where are the dogs going to shit in the bunker?
We're gonna be living knee deep in dog shit eating cold pork and beans out of a can we had to open with arrowheads we made ourselves!

Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sure nothing will happen. Don't stress please.

What if this is our last meal together?! I need to start texting people to tell them how much I love them.

Well if this IS our last night together.... then we should totally go upstairs.

You just said you were sure nothing was going to happen!?
I'm way to panicked to go upstairs and bang right now, BRAD!
Plus all these mixed signals you're projecting are a total turn off.

Look, I gotta leave for school now. Please don't worry. Sleep tight. Love you.

SONOFABITCH.